Having dating apps on your phone

The tech in our life is there to solve a particular problem. 

Smartphones eradicate each moment of boredom.
Television numbs our minds and serves as a propaganda fuelling machine.
Fans and quilts cancel each other out.

The apps we are using are made to solve a problem as well.

Swiggy/Zomato for all the late-night cravings. 
Amazon for all the things we don’t have but can own in a click. 
Social media to know unnecessary stuff. 

Then there are dating apps. 

What dating apps do is something I thought about for a while and came to write this. 

Dating app paradox 

So, I used to have bumble on my phone till 2019. 

I matched with people, talked to a few, and met none. 

Was it not having a face of a Greek god? Not having an impressive bio?

No idea. 

One day, frustrated by not finding success, I decided to delete the app in 2020 and never download it again. 

It is still going strong.

Except for downloading it twice or thrice in the last two years for 5 minutes and realising how unfulfilling it is. 

I thought not having enough matches, random internet strangers not showing any interest in my picture, and a few words I wrote were the problem.

But it was much deeper than that. 

Triggering loneliness 

Unlike other apps that trigger gluttony, greed and impulsive buying behaviours, triggering loneliness can backfire in ways people don’t realise. 

You can have a social life, friends, family or none of that and still have a dating app.

Finding quality relationships on these apps is like finding a needle in the grass. 

The way dating apps are designed, they make us feel inadequate. 

It is a constant reminder of something we don’t have and actively looking for all the time.

Making persistent efforts. 

In my case, every time I saw the app icon, it made me think of something I lacked. 

That I have to profile through hundreds of pictures before running out of the free currency. 

A limited number of swipes I can do in a day. 

The solution? Pay for it. 

Paying to find people 

Then it comes to buying a monthly subscription to find Love/friendship/ casual/ talking-at-night-and-ignoring-during-the-day. 

When a dating app asks for money to increase the chances of meeting new people from all the geographies, ages and no limit whatsoever, it seems no less than a game. 

Monetising on the feeling of loneliness and inadequacy can only come out of satan’s head. 

Yes, I’m sure the app creators had a beautiful story in their mind; we are helping people meet the love of their life! 

But the chances are crazy thin. 

And finding something meaningful? 

Not everyone has the same story. 

I’m sure many strong relationships grew out of these dating apps. 

 I know a few people found success on dating apps in a few clicks and swipes. 

But the number of people finding long-lasting relationships are as rare as a sunflower in a desert. 

Not stressing 

Eventually, I realised that running after something would always make me feel tired. Be it money, relationships, people or anything. 

 When anything happens organically, it always turns out to be a lot better than texting every person in your contacts and hoping you’d hit the jackpot. 

Read the previous article: The FOMO antidote: JOMO

Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash

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