How to get over someone and move on

There are several exceptional feelings in the world, just as there are many evil ones too. In between all of this, one of the most celebrated feelings out there is Love. Yes, the love that makes your fart smell like rainbow-colored cotton candy, which makes the terrible elements of your behavior so misty that it requires taking off those rose-colored glasses so you can see anew that you weren’t the most fitting for each other.

You should remember that this is not a race to be won, you are not competing with anyone, but you. It is a process to go through in which your approach determines everything. It will take time.

I know when you’re in that phase it can appear as if it going to endure forever just like the obstacles of your life. Everything about that person seems magical. Every romantic verse is about you and every love quote is ever written just for you two delusional love birds.

You relish every bit; the firsts, going out, PDA, jealously, conflicts, trust, honesty; it has all the ingredients to make the classic cocktail of love. But love and hangover have some similarities when they both wears off. You come to your senses and see how fucked up the situation is. You swear that you are never going to do so intensely ever again. Slowly, things get real. Depending on the person, some will grow a pair and fix things up but for others, the doom day has arrived. *insert intense music*

Time for the talk. The talk will leave an everlasting impact and create a void in your heart. The reasons could have been anything, ranging from trust issues, constant fights, or someone just lost interest, decided to be selfish, packed their bags, and moved along leaving the other person shattered, lost, and alone just like a dog on a cat show.

You will go numb for a while. It will be troublesome to process what has just happened. Depending on the breakup, either you’ll go deep and silent or you might attempt to fix things up picturing you two were so perfect for each other, you might beg them to take you back or you’ll put yourself out there. It will get hopeless; the days will become harder to pass; everything will be dull and dusted and liquor will become your new best friend. Cheers!

Months later you’ll apprehend that you are more than this pain and you can do great, it’ll be an ideal opportunity to go on a self-improvement quest, to follow your passions and update on every regard of yours which got you in this situation because that’s the only things you can control; yourself, your actions and your attitude. 

Okay, enough foreplay, let’s get right to chase. (that’s what she said).

Well, there are always means to make things better. It doesn’t come in steps but as a process. Today, we will look at that brief process but disguised as steps about how to do it.

  1. Denial – every breakup commences with dismissal. You decline to confront reality and run away from it, pretending that yes, things will get ampler or assuming that nothing has happened. Affirmations like – I am doing just fine; I am a calm person and all this doesn’t affect me will stay with you like your shadow. You try to keep it cool and purely dismiss anything that has happened.
  2. Cry–yes, it has hit you now and you try to repress the waterworks but it doesn’t work, your body can’t handle it anymore. You flush it out. Allow me to get technical, research has found that besides being self-soothing, shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins. So yeah, having a good crying session will help if your emotions feel too heavy.
  3. Go to a supermarket, buy a jar of Nutella and a bottle of vodka. I mean, why not?
  4. Acceptance–now after binge-watching Netflix with your television as background noise & your attention at neither of them and with that empty vodka bottle, it’s time to acknowledge what has happened. How to accept? Well, submit to your emotions. Don’t operate away from them, share it with your buddies, and strive to understand that whatever has happened, it happened for the best. Maybe it was not worth it and if someone has dumped you, sorry for them. If not, then you have some work to do.
  5. Done with that first jar of Nutella? Get another one, I’ll wait.
  6. Practicality angle–as we have known, your sentiments never help you make the fittest decisions of your life. Time for level headed thinking. Think about all the toxic traits that you overlooked in your partner, all the hard times you gave each other, and with all that unnecessary drama, arguments, never-ending fights, was that person even right for you? Think about it.
  7. Find a purpose–as I talked about a void in your heart, time to fill that vacuum with something productive and valuable. It would be a loss of your solitude if you’ll kill your days doing nothing. This is your chance to improve, engage with new people, reconnect with your friends, develop new hobbies, strengthen your existing bonds, focus on today and work for your tomorrow or do any damn thing you desire.
  8. You move on–after all this lengthy process, there’ll be a sense of detachment and you’ll feel stronger, self-sufficient, and will have high self-esteem. You have gotten all out of your system; it feels excellent not being stuck in the past.

All these steps might not work for everyone keeping in mind the dynamics of every relationship and the way it ended. There can be a thousand motives for breaking up with someone and every person has a different way to deal with it and it’s okay to be lost after a breakup. You can have the same withdrawal symptoms just as some sort of addiction. It’ll hurt at first, but you’ll come out stronger.

This should not stop you from loving someone else, as said by Ted Mosby “love is nonsensical, but we have to keep doing it… or else we’re lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack in. because love is the best thing we do,”

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